Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Where we are hiding

"There are no 'ifs' in God's Kingdom. His timing is perfect. His will is our hiding place. Lord Jesus, keep me in Your will! Don't let me go mad by poking about outside it." — Corrie ten Boom (The Hiding Place)

I didn't want to write an update today. I know many of you are emailing and facebooking and asking. I guess I'm hiding a little, in my jammies and my fibro and pelvic pain and my tears that won't stop coming. The news from Cincinnati in a nutshell is seven more weeks of the Minerva and minimal walking in our living room with our supervision. We need to keep waiting. Our drive home yesterday was perhaps the most brutal car trip yet. It was pouring rain, so foggy and the traffic was horrible. Dan and I couldn't speak to one another. I cried my eyes out until I felt completely sick. My cell phone would ring, and I would straighten up and act like I was fine. I would even say, "We are fine." This is what we do. We put up our guard because sometimes we can't bear to hear another "Keep your chin up!" encouragement. What we really need is someone who will crawl into our hiding place with us and be very quiet. Just sit. You don't have to fix this for me. Just let me not be okay for a little while.

Of course our little Danica chirped and watched movies and ate gumballs and asked when we were stopping at Starbucks for milk and scones. The news of the day was only slightly upsetting, and she adjusted quickly. With the faith of a child she trusts whatever we tell her is really best for her. She doesn't worry if we will have a home, or food to eat, or if Dan or I will be there to comfort her and care for her every morning. As I would look back at her in the carseat I would smile through my tears. She is wiser than I in many ways. She knows the kingdom of Heaven is made up of little children like her. God chose this girl for something very few could do. Every person who met her yesterday was blown away by her maturity and grace. She is truly the bravest girl I know.

This morning I got out of bed and began making phone calls for the next Cincinnati trip. Coordinating the two doctors is very difficult because they have different clinic and surgery days. We will have her first brain MRI since her decompression on Monday, March 7th. It will be under sedation which is always very difficult. We will see Dr. Crone after to discuss how her Chiari is looking and her overall neurological recovery. (We waited hours yesterday to see him and finally left at 4pm because he was still in surgery.) Tuesday, March 8th, we will have another x-ray and pray it shows more fusion. Dr. Crawford will look at it and then decide about the brace and more independent walking.

The x-ray from yesterday looks good. The surgery is working. It is just healing slowly. We did get to completely remove the brace for a minute to treat a pressure sore on Danica's neck. She felt very insecure and clearly her neck muscles have very little strength now. I loved seeing her sweet white throat and being able to clean under her chin and kiss her neck.

There are no "ifs" where we are hiding. Please pray we will gently rest inside the refuge of His perfect timing, and He will be praised in the next seven weeks of more waiting.

(Ortho doc for Dan and Cleveland Clinic for me tomorrow. We are tired. Thanks for lifting us up. Laney will be home any minute. Oh how we have missed her!)


  1. "We keep getting reports on your steady faith in Christ, our Jesus, and the love you continuously extend to all Christians. The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in heaven, kept taut by hope." (Colossians 1:4-5, the Message)

    Prayers. Love. I am with you, my friend, no matter how long it takes.

  2. Thanks for the update, even though you probably hated writing it. Just be sad &'s OK. I'm sure everyone gives you permission to do so! Love & hugs...

    Christina, Tim & Camden

  3. Hide as long as you need, sweet sister, and know you are surrounded by love.

  4. Ah girl, ...this is all i can think to say! I keep praying for you all! This is not an easy road we are on. I have been hiding out lately too. We need those quiet moments. Praying tonight that God gently heals our wounded spirits!

  5. My heart is with you all. I totally understand the message in your post. You can only take so many "hang in there's" even though you know people mean well, and want to say something to help. Nobody can really get it... Except you. But, know many folks are loving and praying for you.