What I want more of

“Give up the bitterness,
the anger,
the sadness for what isn’t,
that you wish you had.
And embrace the gift of what you do have.
For therein
is really what you want more of:
Joy.”
-Elisabeth Elliot

Danica has been waking up in the night again. She has been saying her leg is numb and hurts. Last night she called at midnight, and Dan got her and brought her in to sleep with me. My sleep issues are already so difficult and compounded greatly when Danica needs me. This morning when I woke my fibro pain was very bad, especially in my shoulders. I lingered to snuggle here in bed with Danica and prayed for our day.

All day I focused on here and now. I kissed her close to a hundred times. I told her how much I love her over and over. Whenever I was tempted to feel sad about what I so desperately wish for this girl's life I prayed. I wanted this day, day one hundred and thirty-three since surgery, to be different.

I found joy in the long, slow hours of same looking into these beautiful brown eyes. This is really what I want more of.