Friday, November 12, 2010

Bidden or unbidden

Thanksgiving is possible not because everything goes perfectly but because God is present. The Spirit of God is within us—nearer to us than our own breath. It is a discipline to choose to stitch our days together with the thread of gratitude. But the decision to do so is guaranteed to stitch us closer to God. Attend to the truth that ‘bidden or unbidden, God is present’.” Adele Calhoun

I've kind've been hiding out this week. I've been in so much pain and after weeks with no relief it has worn my body and my spirit down. It's easier to let myself stay in a funk these days. There is no real routine and my spiritual disciplines have no quiet alone time or any real light to grow. Gratitude has been choking.

I woke up this morning and looked over at my little Danica askew on this big bed with pillows all around her, and I was overwhelmed with my love for her. She hasn't had a bath in over five weeks. The pads on her brace are all yucky. We have to cut her shirts in the back to get them on and off under her brace and by morning the shirts have usually slipped out and her little shoulders are bare. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. Another day is a precious gift. Bidden or unbidden it sits here waiting to be unwrapped, full of graces, big and small.

We got all cleaned up, which is quite a process when I'm alone with Danica. My mom ran home from school to load up the wheelchair and take us on a quick trip to LCCS to visit Delaney and her class and the other children who have been praying so hard for us. Yes, we broke a rule, but it's less than a mile, and I knew the "risk" of driving in the car was worth it when I saw the excitement in Danica sweet face to be going anywhere. It is a rare gem of a day in November, the warm sun and soft breeze are lingering like they know they have to say "Goodbye" but can't make themselves go. When we left school my mom dropped me to get our JEEP back from the shop while she and Danica went to get happy meals. I didn't realize how much Danica missed just the simple treat of the drive-thru. We sat on the porch with our faces turned toward the light and heat and ate our meals, literally grabbing moments of pure happiness being together and feeling the hope of normal days coming soon. We sang one of Danica's favorite Bob Marley songs, "Every little thing's gonna' be alright", and believed it.

A week from today we will be in Cincinnati for appointments with Dr. Crone, Dr. Crawford, another x-ray and an optho consult. If all goes well at this appointment we are making plans to move home as a family on Sunday, the 21st. Nothing has changed about our home or the challenges of having a child in a wheelchair living there. The need to be in our own space and be together has begun to outweigh the support of my family and convenience of living here in my parent's accessible home. We need to try and make a go of it. As far as we know Danica will remain in the brace and the wheelchair until at least 12 weeks. That date is December 28th. Then therapy would begin.

We would not be able to move home if not for the generous offer from a dear man we do not really even know to help us pay for someone to come and help me during the day with Danica. In many ways this will provide a relief I have not even had while living here. Danica is needing another face to play with her, color with her, pretend with her, and I am desperately needing to get a shower and make phone calls and go through a mound of paperwork that has been untouched since Danica's surgery. I have never had someone come into my home to watch my children. I'm sure it will feel strange at first to let go and accept help. We are so grateful for this specific gift, a stitch in this tapestry God is weaving.

A mother from Delaney's class also met with me and asked for detailed ways to help us. Immediately she rallied the moms and Delaney has had many offers for after school play dates and help with homework, etc. This is a HUGE blessing to us. She will continue to stay with my mom after school most days and go to people's homes until Dan could pick her up. More beautiful thread creating a pattern of love in our lives.

Some people from our church came last Saturday to rake our yard of leaves. In the month we've been gone the two huge trees in the fromt of our home dropped almost every leaf, and we have not had the time or energy to deal with them. My dear friend offered to have her housekeeper come to clean our home next week since it's been sitting there so long, and I am not well. I would have never asked someone to clean my home and her thoughtfulness, knowing how important this would be to both Dan and I before bringing our family back to settle in, is another stitch of grace. Each act of giving, each meal someone brings, each offering of prayer has become a warm and comforting fabric covering us in this storm.

Today, I am looking at the details and overwhelmed again by God's perfect plan. He designed this work of art. The thread bare scraps and the finest pieces of silk come together and tell the story. Bidden or unbidden He is here, and He is always good. Won't you praise Him with us today?

1 comment:

  1. "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name forever." Psa. 34:3