Before the morning

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5

It seems the days all start very much the same. Danica is pretty cheerful, and it all seems manageable. We have our own little routine of making the bed, breakfast, time in the wheelchair with playdoh or art or cutting. Then her neck gets tired, and we move back to the bed, and she plays with some little dolls or toys on her bed tray and watches Nick Jr. I wash my face, brush my teeth, read a little and check my email. By early afternoon she is getting bored and antsy, and I am in so much pain after a few hours of lifting her and moving around. The afternoon has been filled with making bead necklaces, reading, Leapster and anything else we can find to do. When everyone starts to get home from school and work mid-afternoon we usually move back to the wheelchair. She is tired and all the stimulation seems to trigger something in her. The past few nights she has had long screaming fits around dinner time. This is the point I become discouraged and exhausted and the tears come. I realize I have so many hours to go before bedtime and even that doesn't bring any real relief. I sleep with Danica and she kicks me through the night. My mother instincts won't really let me rest if I am with her. I actually dread going to bed. It's 10:05 pm now, and Danica is still wired. I think she dreads the night too. She is most uncomfortable in her brace when she is lying down. I think she knows tomorrow will be more of the same. There is no real anticipation for either of us right now.

I keep thinking I should be writing in the morning. Things seems so much more hopeful and positive and my heart is much more grateful. By this time of night so much of the truth I have been preaching to myself through the day seems lost. Four weeks ago today Danica had her surgery. We have made it four weeks. This is just a snapshot of a bigger picture. This is just a few pages in the story God is writing for us. There is a beautiful song "Before the Morning" sung by Josh Wilson that has been on Danica's playlist all year. My heart is singing these lyrics tonight. Joy ALWAYS comes in the morning.

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning