Friday, October 8, 2010

Lead Me (A Dan Post)

The lyrics and video posted below is a song titled “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real. I was driving home from somewhere when I first heard this song on the radio. I actually sat in my car upon arriving home so I could listen to the complete song. The words instantly moved me as I immediately thought of my wife. My wife and I are pretty good at being master of disguises as related to how others may depict our lives. The truth is God has been asking us to do hard things for over three years now.

Particularly over the past several months this family has been under attack. You already know Danica’s story. Lesser known are the challenges Delaney is coping with as she is again distant from her family and trying to find some kind of normal. Even more hidden is the status of my relationship with my wife. Several weeks leading up to Monica’s surgery back on August 31st, our marriage was suffering from the constant stress we were dealing with on a daily basis. My wife’s health is always an issue. She has suffered from fibromyalgia and severe endometriosis for over ten years. In fact, I take notice only of the days when she’s feeling good. They seem few and far between. Her poor health affects our children. Her constant pain affects me as I feel helpless in curing what ails her. My wife is my life battery. When her batteries have failed, my batteries remain empty, and I do a lousy job of hiding my guilt and frustration. This anger makes it difficult to bond with my wife in her times of need.

The words to this song were my wake up call. I realized that my wife is the glue that keeps this family together even when we’re apart facing our own struggles. Even when her batteries are dead, when in constant physical pain, when mentally exhausted, she somehow continues to provide for this family. Danica is alive today and now has the best chance at living a normal life thanks to her alone. Delaney is lovingly cared for when separated from her family by Monica’s friends and family. Monica will not leave Danica’s hospital room while we’re here in Cincinnati and has fought all levels of hospital staff to ensure Danica is getting the best care possible. I sit in the room watching her in action, fending off differing medical opinions, comforting her baby while feeling the pain of her recent surgery. I am truly in awe of her strength.

So play this song, listen to the words and think of my family and I as Monica and I sit in this dark hospital room void of strength to carry on. I miss Delaney and her care-free spirit which is under attack. I miss having a happy, healthy wife. My little girl is lying flat on the hospital bed drugged up to unconsciousness trapped in her protective shell. When awake she screams and flails her legs and arms wildly, hurting herself. Asleep, she has IVs in both bruised hands and a nasal cannula to keep her sedated. I need to love and support my wife with my every breath. I need to encourage my big girl to withstand this separation a bit longer and show her how much we love her and miss her. I need to show strength and courage to my little girl so she understands this lowest of lows is just a season in her long happy life, Lord willing.

“Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.”


  1. Oh dear family, I wrap my arms around you and call out for God to bless you Now with every ounce I have. We have walked a different journey but recognize the heartache, fear and desperation of seeing everyone in the family cope with childrens illness out of your control. I hear you & I am praying,
    All I can say is that a hug is often the best word for your wife.

  2. OMG, I can not even fathom what you ALL are going through. I can only send my prayers your way. Praying you find peace, courage, support and anything else you need. Pinky

  3. WoW!Are you sure YOU didn't write that song? Thanks for sharing your struggles and showing such a transparent heart.Your love and devotion for your wife and daughters is clearly evident; don't let the enemy tell you you're not doing enough;You are right where you belong, as difficult as it is;Delaney will be fine;kids are SO resilient and Danica will bounce back stronger than ever;suffering makes time seem to stand still...just remember our God is faithful and he loved you with arms opened wide.

  4. Tears in my eyes. I've been wondering who sang that song and I had no clue it was Sanctus Real...I love them! Thanks for your honesty...our prayers are with you all.

  5. I hear this song for the first time just the yesterday. And I sat in the car, in my driveway..., and listened to the end as well. Such a hearts cry. I am so refreshed to see a man, and one whom I am just guessing, (I don't know why) that you are probably usually a private type person, sharing your heart like this. And I know that many men have a hard time sharing their heart with words. You have faithfully remained by the side of your wife and daughter. I can hear the admiration you have for your wife in your words, and I know she will treasure this post from you. We continue to pray for you all. My Mom in PA is praying also. My son, Nicholas, has been praying for Danica as well. And we will continue to pray for all of you and the Lord's protection in each area of your lives. God bless you as you continue on this very difficult road. Your hearts desire is so evident. You want to protect your girls from all this pain. Your Father in Heaven will always lead you, as long as you are looking toward Him.

  6. That is so beautiful We are thankful to have been a partner in praying for your sweet angel. And to our kind heavenly Father for His goodness and mercy following you. May Danica continue to make steady progress, healing. Be blessed, Victor (friend of Ginny Thomas (John Thomas mom))