I can do all things . . .

This month is bringing all kinds of "a year ago" flashbacks. I decided to read through my September, 2010 posts to remember. I was still in bed recovering from surgery and both the girls birthdays needed to be celebrated. Every day held the weight of what we were headed into with sweet Danica. The entry titled Fixated made me weep out loud.

I am struggling to even type this. My arms and hands are weak and shaky. My neck and shoulders are twitching and so painful. I had a fascia treatment this morning and like the past few weeks I come home feeling a little better and try to make up for the week I've spent in bed. I tried to do laundry, wipe the floor, clean the bathroom, and dust. I wanted to get something done before my body failed me. Then I had supper to make and Danica needed a bath. Although the lower level in my parent's home is one floor the truth is I do steep stairs more here than at our old house. I have to cook upstairs. Laundry is upstairs. There is only a shower down here so Danica has to have baths upstairs. I get to a point where I am pushing myself beyond what I really can do. I must. This is my life. I cannot quit. We cannot quit.

Neither Dan nor I have any tattoos. We've both said from time to time we really want to get one especially since our journey with Danica. The truth is we would never really spend the money for something like that with all the financial burden we have been and continue to face. Several Sundays ago Dan came home from church with a renewed intention to mark his upper arm. He designed a tattoo with the Scripture reference Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He has always needed to be in the gym to renew himself physically and spiritually. Lately He has suffered so much that the one thing he seems to really enjoy in life has been taken from him. He has pushed himself through pain to try and continue his routine, but he is weak. Tuesday Dan will have another surgery at Mercy to try to treat a cyst on his kidney and more stones. Neither of us really feel like we can go through this again. But we will. We cannot quit.

A year later are we braver, stronger, and more resilient? I don't think so. I know we are more broken, more humbled, and definitely weaker but have more faith believing each day His strength is being perfected in this weakness. Our hope remains.

(Delaney had the most exciting gift this week. Blog post and pictures soon, I promise. Thank you for continuing to pray specifically for our girl. She is hurting.)