Love language (For my Dan)

Dan and I will have been married 10 years this coming February. We figured out our roles very early on in our relationship. We don't argue about day to day things like so many couples do. Dan cheerfully does all our laundry, empties the dishwasher (and even reloads it, because I still haven't learned how it's supposed to be done), and vacuums every other day. I pay the bills (and the ones I can't pay I organize and worry about). I manage our health care. I make the beds first thing every day, grocery shop and do homework and baths. I wipe our kitchen floor on my hands and knees, windex our front door and windows as soon as I see a smudge and wipe our counters over and over and over. We both work very hard at our jobs which have been opposite schedules much of our marriage so our children would not have to be in day care.

I can honestly say I have never taken for granted all Dan does. He is completely committed to our family, our home and our life. He hasn't watched a full football game or gone out for a beer or played a game of golf in over a year. He doesn't think in terms of his own wants or needs. The only thing Dan does now that he loves is working out. The gym is like his Zoloft. I try very hard to make this happen for him even with our busy schedule. Since my surgery he has only gotten to go a few times because he has been trying to do everything while I heal. Time and energy for physical fitness has fallen in the "luxury" category, something we just don't have over here these days.

This morning I had so many calls to make for details concerning Danica's surgery. As I was having these conversations the realization we are really doing this in less than two weeks hit me, and my heart began to race. The great risks and the pain Danica will face and the fear of what could happen all came rushing at me. Danica began wanting me as I was on the phone. I was frustrated and trying to hear and focus on what was being said, and I felt like Dan wasn't doing enough to try to get her out of the room or distract her. There was a fight. It had nothing to do with Danica interrupting the phone call. It had everything to do with the stress of our life and the lack of connection from weeks being physically apart and barely speaking to one another. Dan and I both recharge our batteries by being close to one another and sharing. When we lose this I feel insecure and so does he. I need to hear the words, "I love you." Words are my love language. Dan didn't even say he loved me until we had been dating over a year. He clearly loved me, but he could not say it. Love in action shown in practical daily care and sometimes in great self sacrifice is his love language. The storm we are headed straight into with our daughter is bound to bring out the worst in us once in awhile. Ugly words were exchanged. Our hearts were wounded, and we retreated.

Danica and I headed out to a local Credit Union to meet some beautiful women who have been raising money for Team Danica. (Post to follow on their love!) Dan was to finally get some time at the gym. On my way home the oil light came on in my car, so I rang the house to just see if by chance he was still there. He WAS still home. I asked him why he hadn't left, and He said something about motivation. We decided to meet at Midas and get the car looked at since we have this trip to Cincinnati on Monday. When we returned home I walked in to find my newly inherited, simply breathtaking bookcase that came from my grandparent's farm house in Minnesota full of books. I've had it since Monday, but I cannot lift yet, so I was thinking it would be late fall before I would be able to work on the project. Instead I walked in to find my treasured books that have been in boxes in the basement for years gracing the shelves. Dan stayed home and carried up all those heavy boxes and lovingly arranged the books, so I would be happy. This was his "I'm sorry" and "I love you", and "I will never leave you" all rolled up into a selfless act.

I'm listening to lots of Andrew Peterson lately. These words from his song "For The Love of God" come to mind,

"Now, love is not a feeling in your chest
It is bending down to wash another’s feet
It is faithful when the sun is in the west
And in the east

It can hurt you as it holds you
In its overwhelming flood
Till only the unshakeable is left
“This new command I give you,” He said,
“Love as I have loved”
So brother, love her better than yourself
And give her your heart

For the love of God
In the name of Jesus
The groom who gave his life
To love his bride"

I love you, Dan.