Choices, A post from Danica's daddy

Monica and I made a pact that we would have a date night once every three months to help retain our sanity and strengthen our marriage. Fine wine and a five star dinner on a shoestring budget is our passion of choice where we can sit for hours with optional peaceful silence or relationship building conversation. We comment on each facet of the dining experience and linger at our table as long as we can soaking in the atmosphere and one another's company. The simple enjoyment together brings us closer during this tough time, and we are extremely grateful we can “escape” four times a year. We are also thankful that Monica’s parents live so close to care for our daughters.

A few days ago while randomly clicking on various websites, I stumbled upon a story where a town in Southern Ohio had hit hard times with unemployment and a local church was feeding the very young and the very old. Families with small children were lined up waiting in the heat for food. That image stuck in my mind until the everyday happenings and events in my life covered up the thought. In other words, my mind had other things to concern itself with, and specifically I’m concerned with what is occurring in my life. We are subjected to so much sadness and tragedy in our electronic world. For the most part we have to concern ourselves with our own problems and not the plight of strangers or we’ll neglect the health and security of our friends and loved ones. But each day we are given choices to act, react, or remain silent. I am someone who, on average, would choose to remain silent. I understand my place in the world, what I am capable of, and work with what I am given. Others choose to react, to discuss the issue and state their opinion letting others know they are concerned. Then there are those who act with a compassionate response saying they are going to be the difference and be part of change. We all make our decisions based on several variables in life and we are forced to make the choice to remain silent, react, or act on many issues on a daily basis.

When we discovered that Danica had cranio-cervical assimilation after her first Chiari decompression, I chose to ignore the situation. There is nothing wrong with Danica. She was happy, playful and active. Even though her neck was becoming crooked again, as a father I could find no fault in my beautiful daughter. When she was falling more and not sleeping I tried to explain these things away. Monica is with her, especially at night when her symptoms become the worst. She has been the one fighting these past months to get me to understand the changes in her meant something neurological was happening. Danica had an MRI this past Wednesday that showed her cerebellar tonsil is herniated further, and she has less CSF flow than her MRI showed in April. It’s now time to act, and we have chosen our path to give Danica the best odds for a normal childhood and to keep her safe. We will travel to Cincinnati next week and have the final appointments and pre-surgery scans on Wednesday, the 10th.

While a few "close to us" still seem to remain strangely silent regarding our current plight, almost all who have become familiar with Danica have chosen to react and/or act and for that I will eternally be thankful. We have received support from all over the world as we prepare for several months of difficult recovery. The ChicfilA fundraiser, private donations, cards, emails and phone calls have made a huge difference in our lives these past months. I’ve been very self centered in the past. I am distant from my family and friends. Monica is the one who sends out the cards and gift baskets and practices random acts of kindness. Monica remembers the birthdays and special occasions and has gracefully recorded Danica's difficult journey. Our soon to be three year old girl has the fight of her life ahead of her. She cannot fully understand and does not ask why. She fights off the tears when feeling pain or facing fear. It seemed easier for me to ignore and make believe all was “perfect,” but this was the wrong choice. To everyone who has chosen to react and act on behalf of Danica all I can say is thank you from all of my heart—our hearts. The response has been overwhelming. You encourage and strengthen us as we move forward.

I understand there are children and families worse off than we are let alone can afford to go out to dinner even once a year. Though it’s impractical to support everyone, please think of those close to you and choose not to remain silent. Choose to read their story. Let them know, often, that you are thinking about them, and you will be making a difference. We will ride out the storm of the next hard months in the shelter of our God and your simple choices to love us well. I pray my heart is truly changed, and I am given the opportunity sooner than later to act and react through the example you have shown.