Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Hope . . . It's never too late

I have a lot of words I cling too, but it's no secret "Hope" is my anchor. Nothing went as I planned yesterday, but I know for sure everything went how He determined it should.  I received my first plasmapheresis out patient.  I ended up waiting over six hours for my cath placement at Mercy due to an emergency and then having it done with no sedation at all, just pure grit.  The time crunch was such that I needed to be released immediately to run over to Aultman and get me hooked up. Wow.  I felt like one of those soldiers in old movies who are given something to bite down on and a swig of whiskey over their wound before they pull the bullet out.  The treatment was harder than I remembered.  Because I hadn't eaten or drank all day I was weak and nauseous and had a horrible headache.  I felt the process much more as well.  Going straight from getting the cath placed to using it for an entire plasma exchange was painful.  My dad was my hero. He stuck with me for over twelve hours on the marathon day.  In God's providence by the time I got to the unit the person who would have taken my payment was gone, so I did not have to pay.  I did not have the full amount yesterday of the initial percentage due. My disability came today.  After rent there is enough left to add to what was donated by some of you to pay tomorrow.  Enough.  Just enough for the moment.

The blessing of being home last night and today made the horrible fight and waiting worth it.  I am oh so grateful to be here with my family and not in a hospital bed.  I helped Danica with her homework and tucked her in tonight. I snuggled with my pup today.  I hugged my hubs and my Jayner.  I couldn't rest last night because of my pain, but I pray tonight will be better.  My dad will pick me up at 6:30 am tomorrow to head to Aultman for labs and some waiting for results and then my second round.  We are planning for days of rest between because of my labs and fatigue.  As of now I will have tomorrow's and rest Friday. Treatments Saturday, Monday and Wednesday will finish this race I'm on.

A friend shared Jen Hatmaker's status on facebook tonight.  It pretty much sums up what has been on my heart.  I've been clinging to hope. It won't disappoint.  It's never too late.  I'm not ashamed.  I wave it like a banner.  I believe all this is for my good and His glory.

"Just a quick morning word to anyone who feels stuck and hopeless. I keep thinking about this phrase in Romans 5: 

"...hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." 

A couple of things: Do not be ashamed to hope. There is no shame in banking on God's love to prevail, His Spirit to win the day. That doesn't make you naive or foolish; this has been poured into your heart. Hope is the believer's response and gift. So go on and hope for that relationship to heal, that child to come home, that goodness to rise up in the midst of some horrible darkness. The Holy Spirit is pouring that very love into your thoughts, your feelings, your heart. Hope is our anthem and we can sing it in the dark before even a glimmer of light arises.

Two, "at just the right time." When all seemed lost, when we had no power, no recourse, no way out, Jesus saved the day. The timing mattered. We had nothing. We couldn't fix what was broken, bridge the divide, or engineer a Plan B. And that was the right time for salvation. So if you feel absolutely powerless, hoping for something you cannot control or heal, trust that Jesus always moves at just the right time. He is never late, even though it may seem way too late to you. It is NEVER too late for Jesus. Never. No relationship is too far gone, no loved one is too lost, no addiction is too deep, no heart is too shattered. If you are still in the dark, be still. Listen. Breathe. Learn. What is there to gain from this season? Because there is something. If you are powerless, pay attention because this is Jesus' favorite timing. This is when he saved humanity, so it is certainly when He can save you.

Let hope rise, dear ones. It is never too late."

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.  It may seem like a small thing, but I assure you God is using it to bring strength to me in my faltering moments of doubt. You are holding my arms up when I cannot. You are carrying my mat and lowering me through the roof.  You are interceding when I can only groan.  You bless me.

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