Sunday, December 30, 2012


Every year I pick a word. It becomes a daily prayer and a mantra for living. It is my only real effort at a resolution of sorts. I birthed the word for 2012 while I sat bathed in light at the lake house recovering from my brain surgery and fusion. It was POSSIBILITY. Everything in me HAD to believe the impossible really could happen through Him. I collaged a large poster board with pictures and words that spoke to what I was hoping and praying for. It became my desk mat, and I have looked at it literally hundreds of times this year. Every single glance breeds a heart cry. One of the most important elements I included was what is commonly know as The Lord's Prayer. The liturgy of this simple and yes, perfect, prayer has helped tame the wild theology that often found me attempting to craft pleas sounding like they came from the "Valley of Vision" which only pointed more deeply to my gross inadequacy when I approached talking to the God of the universe.  The desperate need for home is also a central theme. I firmly believed healing would begin to come if I could have a nest again. I needed light. I begged for light. Kindness and giving are woven through the images and quotes. I could not accept anything more unless I could find a way to give more. This love needed to flow through me like air.  I needed to receive without shame for my gratitude to become pure. 

The book is about this giving and receiving.  Over and over again it is the impossible things made real for my family and I that are the story needing told.  The pain and suffering are just a backdrop for the amazing love.

I found my word for 2013 in a little store in Hartville I love called One Vintage Lane.  It was this old flashcard resting on a piece of tree trunk with a glass dome over it.  I knew it was my promise for the coming year. 


So many of God's promises are to this end.  Often He has demonstrated restoration in the Bible through material blessing and physical healing.  This is never the Gospel without soul changing work.  We have had a very real sense of all of these things since beginning our new life here several months ago.
January first is like a doomsday for families with chronic health issues.  It is the day our insurance premiums go higher.  It is the day our deductibles reset to zero.  My head swims with the logistics of beginning all this again.  My dad will be driving me to Cleveland Clinic tomorrow to try and squeeze my platelet aggregation study in under this year.  They are notorius for denying claims and requiring payment up front for deductibles not met, so if I wait even one more day it becomes a nightmare.  I have an appointment with Dr. Henderson Monday, February, 4th in Maryland to discuss my odontoid and symptoms.  I will also see the hematologist for follow up to go over all my blood studies and talk about a treatment plan.  These appointments go under a different larger deductible than seeing my GP here or someone in network. 
Because of the astounding love of The Canton Chapter of The Foundation for Community Betterment from their annual fundraiser Rocktoberfest we do not have the pressure of wondering how I will afford to travel to see the specialists involved in my ongoing care.  Following this February trip will quickly be spring appointments for cardiology with Dr. Grubbs in Toledo and genetics with Dr. Tinkle who moved to Chicago.  I am also hoping to try some prolotherapy on my right knee which has been dislocating frequently and causing me a great deal of pain.  Betterment was able to help with our mortgage which frees up personal funds for medical bills, copays and prescriptions.  They helped with gift cards to cover airfare, gas money, hotels and food.  This is part of the tangible restoration I see for sure.  I have noticed a change in my mental, emotional and even physical symptoms since learning of this provision.  This proves to me the toll these years have taken on Dan and I.  It speaks of how pressure removed allows an actual change of being.  Even if only for a short while we have moved from survival to something that looks and feels more like living. 
Of course I have a verse for the new year too.  It's a promise I will cling too. 
"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself RESTORE, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." I Peter 5:10
Every day brings me closer to the full realization of this truth.  I'm expecting great things. 
Happy New Year to you all.  Pick a word.  Grab on to a promise.  Our Hope remains!

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