At the end of THIS day.

Sometimes when I wake in the morning it is as if I've never really slept at all.  I have been up hour after hour wrestling with things too heavy to even whisper in the secret places where only God and I meet. I call these "unspoken" prayers.  I know by now God does not need to hear my voice to know my heart.  The pillow soaked with tears speaks volumes.  The Spirit intercedes when I cannot.  I think of my friend, David, the man after God's own heart, who hid for so long in caves crying out to His God to show His face once again and remind him why He had called him here at all.  What in the world was He accomplishing hiding him in the clefts of remote hills.  Why would God keep him so hungry, ever thirsty, always afraid, cold and hurting with bones out of joint? 

I use my ipod a lot on sleepless nights.  This began years ago when I would fight off Satan lying in the hospital while I was pregnant with Danica.  It's easy to say I've never been under siege like I was then, but in every way it is true.  I wasn't just fighting for my own life then, I was fighting for Danica's too.  The drugs and the psychological and spiritual warfare broke me in places I may never know full healing until eternity. 

Sometimes I wish I could post a soundtrack of my journey.  I have made many of you faithful ones CDs when you have been hurting or suffering with some of the music that has rescued me.  These songs are the greatest gift I know to share with you.  There is a beautiful song by Meredith Andrews titled,  All Will Fade Away.  I have played it literally hundreds of times over the past few years.  I recite in my mind this Scripture from Revelation 22:1-5 before I play it.  (If you are engaged in any  kind of spiritual warfare I can tell you with certainty to get in the Word, memorize the Word, listen to hymns and spiritual songs and Satan will run away!)

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

When I woke this morning I didn't know if it was sunny out or if the birds were singing or if redemption would come in any more tangible way than it did yesterday or the day before.  I only knew one thing for sure.  I have to get up and do this again.  Somehow by His Grace He will walk me through.  Can I get caught up in Jesus again today?  Can I imagine all this will disappear? Can I really be okay with knowing I am just a stranger here? 

Caught up with Him forever.
In love with Him forever.
I will see Him face to face and all will fade away. 

No more night.  The Lord God will give me light. 

Forever and ever. 

I swallow my pills.  I cry and then blow my nose and put on my big girl britches. 

A day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day in this world.  There's no end of time with Him.  At the end of THIS day, will my heart look like His heart?  The rest will fade away.

(Please do link through to the two songs highlighted here.  I pray they will bless your heart as you face your own Goliaths and long for whatever pain you face today to fade away.  STRENGTH.  HEALING.  LOVE.)